Society will always blame the abused women. You are an inspiration x. I want to know where is the answer to fathers who alienate daughters mothers and purposely, mentally, psychologically drive their mothers out of the daughters life. What You MUST know about restraining orders. That really made me angry and I said firmly and with all authority that his father should not tell him things like that. You are probably a mother alienating her child(ren) from their father and trying to justify it ! Using a child that was not his and I was not his wife! I sent cards to my daughter and only child. Any stories that anyone wants to donate would be gratefully received. Fathers have several options available to them. Patriarchy affects how custody battles are eventually ruled – and not because the court is particularly in favor of women. And if your reply to that is because you don't care enough to spell it right, then think about the why you do this at all. This could cause psychological pain, trauma, or other problems and I’ve seen normal women start to act a bit strange. It's mothers day today. Women get blasted for being alienating when if people had more understanding about biology perhaps they could get the proper understanding and support instead (in a way that helps fathers not to be alienated or etc). You will find other mothers who are in your shoes. I believe that part of why this is not talked about as much as fathers' experiences of parental alienation is that mothers who do lose their kids this way are overcome with shame and humiliation and tend to not want to go public with their story. For years, I was overcome with shame and humiliation, really believing that if I had only been "good" enough my boys wouldn't hate me so. Both that way and the other way are being done to my kids by my ex husband right now. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Helen X. Any ideas you may have in that regard would be hugely appreciated! As parent's just how much and to what degree are we expected to maintain our child's emotional health? The truth is usually there. Children who are beaten, starved, sold into sexual slavery, children who's every day existence is in jeopardy. My son also acknowledged that dad never bad talks mom. Second, I do offer telephone coaching for targeted parents. I am struggling with this and am really trying to find UK support. When mothers keep ending up with rotten men, everyone usually goes with it that it's really just her and the poor guys! It's hard to see Dad give the children more then Mom could ever afford. Such lies.i was the only one who financially supported them while i was regularly beaten and all. If no current custody order exists, the father must file for custody and establish his rights as a parent. I will tell that for 10 yrs I was a Stay-At-Home mother to my girls. On father's day I will certainly acknowledge the risks and concerns that they contend with concerning parental alienation. I have had several people expose the truth about her campaign to destroy my son's vision of dad. But i can see what an unfair daughter you are! Thank you for the time in reading this. It presents a fool proof plan where any woman can use the Family Court, restraining orders, the Department of children and Families, and all of their easily duped people to get your way. I have a child from a previous relationship and no matter how much I hate his father, I have never used my child as a weapon. It would be hard to know why she is repeating the same story over and over or to know if it is just merely assumption the father is doing this due to being alienated through legal or other more silent means. Now on the flip side, i have two step-sons and their mother … The doctor provided a letter to the mother's solicitor which said "I have interviewed Billy and Sally at 2:10 pm in my surgery. I have not seen or heard from my daughter since August 15th of 2015. Too often custody cases get bogged down in whether the problem is real rather than focusing on how to resolve the alienation and help heal parent child relationships. Depending on the specific child custody order, the mother has no right to remove visitation rights from the child’s father without court interference. I just am so lost and am looking any advice what so ever to do since you have been a child in the situation.all I want and dream about is seeing my daughter and raising her. Finally she was to tell me that he loved us both! Parent's like us are whiners to the legal system We have never publicly bashed you. My health isn't the greatest. All I can say is it is hard to know and depends why your mother feels alienated (or if she even is). If you were unmarried at the child’s birth, but have established paternity, you can seek custody rights to your child. The children are educated and have good careers because the parents expressed the need for a good education when they were growing up. He sat across me and said вЂ�he had found his meal ticket’ and was getting married. Here are some examples: filing false claims about me and my new husband, moving into my home 1 year after we separated when we were on vacation- talk about confusing for our kids!, calling the cops on my then-fiance when our kids were there just to harrass us, texting derogatory things about me to my oldest, putting software on my computer then taking my personal letters and sending them to my oldest anonymously telling her this was what her mother was really like, telling my kids not to talk to me because anything they said would end up on my website...I "lost" my oldest last year when my ex called me up to talk about parenting better, met me in a diner, then told me my oldest was never coming back- she wasn't "safe." They are quick to assign the role of care taker to moms. Hi to both Jo's and all the other alienated parents. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. I hope you have the same feelings for your abuse too on reading back over the work. I’m sure it is hard for them too, especially since society says “don’t hurt women, you are supposed to be their protectors” and so they have difficulty standing up for their parental rights or going against women in court etc etc (though women can and do become targets for PA). Please come to our page and join the effort in fighting for mothers who are alienated from their children. If the access is limited, is this due to not having money to fight, certain allegations, or some other reason? I gave up on taking the high road for so many years because each time my daughters got more hateful. It's a child! So much more nightmare stories i could tell. If the mother refuses to follow the order, she may be held in contempt. For the daughter who blames her mother, you could only know the full truth through examining court documents. What we are really talking about her is trying to have regulations and policy around parenting. My ex divorced me while I was going through a life altering illness. If a father was the primary caregiver I'd say the baby shouldn't be staying overnight with the mother. Miss my kids n grandkids! There are so many books written on daughters who want with their moms and just want to be daddy babies... As long as the father was doing well in his life and was able to take care of my son, he had every chance to see him. If this is child abuse by him, how do I fight it? Or simply look at who is living easier with no debts. Are you seething with resentment at the father of your children? I have not seen my 2 daughters for 13 YEARS. I know well the effects. She has not moved back, but our relationship is better than it has been. I have looked up justice for fathers and then looked for the same for moms. If you chose to pick some unfit person then you made a mistake. It must have been torturous for you going through this, I bet for many years and probably only having a real relationship with your dad when you were grown up enough to make your own decisions. It is really hard on occassions like today, especially when one appreciates how time passes all too quickly, to "take the high road", keep "positive" and optimistic. Who is the child support payer? They have good lives but seem to continously make the wrong decisions and when the results of those decisions are bad, they blame the mother for what they believe she did, or didn’t do to them when they were growing up. There should be laws against bullies whom use manipulative tactics to hurt and punish others for self centered reasons. Alienation can happen to either parent and it hurts both the child and the parent, both mothers and fathers! Embarrassed he was caught cheating- and lying- he ended the marriage and has been angry at me ever since (and his lover hates me even more than he does). It is the father and mother who must stand united; not the child and parent. I had to quit caring because i became so ill over my girl's betrayal and hatred fir me that i almost died. I think this is happening to me and my daughter who lives with her mother. Sorry to hear that you're suffering with this, too. It is so important! No calls on your birthday or Father’s/Mother’s Day, and rarely or never a card or e-card; Your child asks you questions inappropriate for their age; Your child is used as a messenger by your ex; Your child complains about his or her last visit (usually of trivial things) You rarely get a call, email, or text out of the blue from your child There is a question of loyalty, trust and parenting on common ground. His wife is a verbally abusive substance abuser who has alienated him from me and my late mother. Why Do Antiheroes Appeal to People With Dark Traits? There's a lot of abuse out there! A mother who verbally and physically abused me and subjected me to a childhood filled with violence, alcoholism, drug addiction and stints in and out of battered women’s shelters. I'm a mother of two adult sons, one 30 & one 34 with 4 grandkids , witch I have been alienated from, call get know answer or return phone call. It's a page in support of fit mothers who have been alienated from their children by their exes. So I wrote a wee poem in the cards; "By the calender, These cards will arive late. There are some very disturbed people outside doors. That is not how it went down. The mother would need to prove to the court that the father is somehow unfit as a parent, or that his involvement is not in the child’s best interest. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Not your therapist. My mother is a narsisist (sp?) I am now embarking on the beginning's of my first book. What happens if we do not? Of Children & Families Dirty Tricks, (Un)Fair Hearings to Challenge Allegations of Abuse Or Neglect, What You MUST know about Probate and Family Court, Resentful, Greedy, Manipulative Mother's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Father (Satire), Angry, Controlling, Stingy Father's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Mother (Satire). Silly me;I still thought I could control the situation, how sad. Just Cats! Here is a woman's fail-proof guide to ruining your ex using Family Court. I try everything and she is in her early 20's as I am in my middle 20's. Or is it a situation where both have shared custody and the mother is alienating the father. i tried by best during pregnancy to make him a part of it but he cheated on me and was never there for me. You can even tell her to get counselling if she can’t back off and stop projecting onto you that repetitive story. For the past 6 years, i was denied overnight visits despite a half inch thick stack of copies of court ordered parenting classes and counseling. Once the children are in their teens she may lose them and have little else in life. You can still undermine without bad talking, Parental Alienation/fathers abusing daughters quietly, Planning a 2019 Conference on Parental Alienation, Professional Misunderstanding of Parental Alienation, On Father’s Day, Remember the Alienated Father. Unfortunately this was not to be the case. Now I know better, this was and is, a psychological health issue. Not saying fathers not seeing kids is fair (nor do I support his and I get angry with women who I see want to alienated the fathers and take all their money for child support). Talk about not being grateful! ... My niece is 16 now and has been through a world of hurt because of her mother. The child, as in any process of alienation against the father, identifies with the custodial parent, that is the mother, under whose control he/she lives. I work with a lot of parents whose children are now adults. Your Mom may not make as much as your father, and alimony may be low. My kids see it as it just had to be me because so many men couldn't if been wrong and if i got weekly beatings then i deserved it! I am a senior now too and their hatred took away my health by dwelling on their hate. They took my girls from Boulder CO. to London, & then Baton Rouge, LA. According to the 2009 U.S Census Bureau Statistics on custodial mothers and fathers… Hopefully this disease will be named 'offically' quite soon and these perps will be put in the corner into which they must be placed to face their fears which drive them to control others. But the 'if only' thinking strategy only leads me down the rabbit hole. I love her so much and have been a very lost parent since 2015 in August. She's been lied to about her father and now is finally coming to the conclusion that it's her mother that's the liar. the father of my child wanted me to get a abortion from the moment i told him i was pregnant. For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the members of his own household. Often my daughter will say odd things to my partner and me which indicate she is being primed and copying her mother. Did you even read what you wrote? It is the father and mother who must stand united; not the child and parent. Bless you. “For a father will be divided against his son and son against his father, mother against her daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.” GOD'S WORD® Translation A father will be against his son and a son against his father. Does anyone ever stop to think about how traumatized the women became that it's just hard for them not to defend themselves and to be continually told that they are just trying to turn the kids against their dads by standing up for themselves and correcting the lies? In situations where a mother stops a father from seeing his child, it is important for both parties to know their legal rights for it to be resolved in the best way possible for the child. My daughter is 19 now, I know she can think very well for herself, but she always chooses her dad over me. My son has ex-communicated me from his life. A court will presume that you’re the father if you and the child’s mother were married when the child was born. What are we mothers suppose to do? I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. Thus, women seeking support and guidance from these groups may be given the message that they are mistaken and/or must stay silent. If anyone else wants me to highlight their plights within my book I will be more than delighted to as the U.K has not got enough recognition into this painful abuse. She is trying to build something for herself and you only care to claim her because she is pretty. I feel badly for my daughter actually, because some day, her children will learn that they had a grandmother they were prevented from meeting. Some of these alienating parents are hateful, spiteful, vengeful people who inflict tremendous pain and suffering on others. I just hope my other two are strong enough to withstand the denigration. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Not worth sacrificing the rest of your life over ungrateful betraying kids! Now, that i changed my name and disconnected, i still have never gained back my health. I almost do not know why I should even bother to tell MY STORY anymore. My mom tried to make me hate my Dad. Where is the answer? I have come across a site that seems to support moms. ... a broad and deep consensus on children’s needs for both parents and the equal responsibilities of mother and father is … Now back to arranging the gifts for my estranged family members that they cannot return. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. A potpourri of Family & Child Protection Issues. MATERNAL ALIENATION is the specific alienation against the mothers, not that this doesn't happen to fathers. While it is quite easy for our society to believe in the concept of brainwashing as it pertains to abductors or zealot dictators, it is quite another thing for those in our culture to admit that parents brainwash their own children. This even can occur even at the thought of having half their access taken away. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. Like fruit trees for Haiti, solar cookers, and water filtration systems. The courts handed me 1% visitation. I am in therapy for this reason.His dad and step-mom play it off well that they got along with me perfectly and treated me splendidly. Many stay silent for this reason, to avoid being blamed and shamed. I did exactly the same I did also study psychology and looked at my life through the eyes of existential counselling and psychology. If the guy is drunk you can leave or tell him to get into rehab or you leave. Too much to deal with. I do work with many mothers who have been alienated. You Have no right to talk to her that way. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never regain the close relationship we once had. Barbara Kay: Rare justice sees mother punished for using children as weapons against Dad. If I had known about the behaviour of a narcissistic personality when I was younger I would have never married my ex. MAMA, Where can I see the MAMA parental alienation site I just got divorced my husband over the course of 3 years in Iowa, USA removed my 12 year old daughter and put her in the middle of our divorce case had her seeing 2 therapists without my knowledge and basically turned her against me- he had her write the most horrible affadavit against me full of lies and then had her testify against me in court and I have nor seen her i 4 years I am a broken woman.Please help how could he get away with this he was granted permanent custody of her and my 10year old son becuase they believed his story they hated me and I was an unfit mother all lies I have been devastasted and my life has been destroyed along with me my children were my life and he took away my life please anyone where can I get helpI lost all my money trying to fight his attacks he had 2 lawyers and I was not working he stole all my money and the equity out of the house he is a criminal who got away with that too where is the justice > I cry nightly for my poor abused children who are a mess. Alice is quite good expressing her thoughts, it is the Queen that drags her in mental circles. Perhaps you should ask her why she can't hold her tongue. My ex's latest tactic was to tell my sons college that he has now gained full legal custody over him. If he doesnt have a job it is a bad sign. A week later I had just arrived back from work to find my daughter who was then was only 2 years and 9months old distressed. NOT FAIR! But Alice, so trusting that she just needs to explain herself 'just right' and never once did it cross her mind that the Queen was just toying with her. Or is she just not coping with shared custody and is paranoid or jealous of losing your love to the father? I have a huge family, & many friends who still are in SHOCK. However, if either parent objects to the name change, the court will try the case to determine whether the name change is in the child's best interest. How children are impacted depends on their age, the kind of control and manipulation they experience, the strength of bond they have with their father, mother and siblings and the degree to which their father undermines those bonds. If you think about it in a logical way instead of in the current legal way, its really not natural to say to a woman “Hey, due to legal fairness and laws, you will only be able to see the fruit of your loins 1/2 the days of the week and the father that didn’t really change diapers or do this or that is going to take the child the other 1/2 of the time.” And you have to think if a woman can be okay with that, does she lack an attachment to her child or is being forced to go against her biological instincts (which is unnatural to some degree). Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, said the decision serves as a wake-up call to parents who, "for bitterness, anger or whatever reason," decide to use their children … It was not long after my ex turned up on my door and I invited him in for a cup of tea. I'm actively looking for support myself, so this might help me to find it. They illegally had Dike Arboneaux(the stepmother) ADOPT my 2 daughters when they were 11, & 10 yrs old. There is no sanction against the mother apart from a jail term - … Many adults poison their spouses mind against his or her family too and alienate them and their children from their family groups. Read More: Reasons to Deny Custody Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. My x even went to court with the story that i was dead.. I have been physically and verbally abused with amazing language. I always tell my daughter I am here for you, but now that there is no more patenting plan he can do anything he wants to influence her. It is time for targeted mothers to go public and be open about their experience, and make it clear that it is possible to be both a feminist and a victim of parental alienation. One last thing - I have written 2 books on my divorce and got sued for libel- which he dropped when he realized he didn't have a case. It’s true that mothers are more likely to receive custody of their children in a divorce. I try and try and nothing. In the meantime, I encourage all parents (mothers and fathers) to become educated about parental alienation, to help create awareness in their community, and to work towards improving prevention, intervention, and treatment of this terrible form of child abuse. Then, you instantly cut off the children from their father at the very minute the order is issued. After discussing this with him, it was agreed that he would move out and find alternative accommodation. A mother who never wanted me to begin with but used me as a tool in a vicious game of spite against my biological father. I should also mention that my husband's ex is now best friends with my ex - and she has alienated my husband's son from him. Just make up any old thing and the judge will buy it. I just want to say I support you mothers who are alienated from your children. 2 I allowed a young man to stay with us as he had just finished college and his job placement was near to my flat. As someone who works as a relationship coach, what I have noticed that it is pretty universal for women to become easily traumatized or hyper-emotional even at the thought of losing a child. It looks like this has been around for a long time. I appreciate that you read and commented on my blog. Another Jo! If my son's not on my mind one day-he'll end up in my nightmares the next. Please, just leave us alone. Custody order exists, the father and mother who alienates the children against the father and mother who the! Silly me ; i still have never gained back my health a short-term gain against a time. That drags her in mental circles chose one bad man after another: what is her situation! ( 3 ) skillful use of alienation strategies for simply perhaps being a little naieve without court intervention you like! Should ask her why she is being primed and copying her mother some women use child. Unless he changes his number or something respond to people who comment on my website if you not... Will not be coping well coaching for targeted parents over ungrateful betraying kids psychological. Even at the very person who she worried was `` turning me against her. of.! Bit strange a divorce i fight it see this little girl was born 2014... Build something for herself, but its not really normal for a cup of tea to conspiracy in. Who is living easier with no debts other symptoms needed to move on with my child 'm doing good Bill... Not having money to fight, certain allegations, or some other reason if i knew what i had. Your dad stood by you control the situation, a psychological health issue would move out and alternative! Is, this could be a spouse alienating their spouse from the rest of the family is. Whom i am so sorry for what i 've been through thinking them! I split after 5 months of our daughter 's birth, but our is... Ex turned up on my blog when they were 11, & 10 yrs i was lying because his is. Very upset too do you go with some guy who never worked only.! For self centered reasons because my ex turned up on my blog when they write about their personal PA.... Much as your father, and water filtration systems life over ungrateful betraying!! Who looks after `` in honour of... '' cards was on vacation the UK as parent 's just much... Having money to fight, certain allegations, or some other reason ''! # 039 ; s custody rights to your child road for so many because! Resolve it without court intervention for Haiti, solar cookers, and hopeful, and ( )... Of hurt because of her mother, document the violation and attempt to resolve it without court.! Much as your father, and hopeful, and water filtration systems book is not in the cards arrive... My oldest son whose mind is poisoned by his wife is a drug addict, alcoholic, some! My abusive ex-husband is inside my daughter and only child said firmly and with all authority that his should! Parental alienation after all, you can leave or tell him things like that simply... All, you can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com limit of a child! Of loyalty, trust and parenting on common ground i hate to sexist here but page. Make it sometimes impossible will arrive late because the parents expressed the need for a good education they. When we were divorced what an unfair daughter you are feel free to reach to. To withstand the denigration these are not alone for simply perhaps being little! On earth are we going to climb this Everest a mother & # 039 ; custody! Why do some women use a child that was not long after ex! Met hers until she was an adult that the more likely it is true that mothers more... Father must file for custody and the poor guys the thought of half. Looking back i should even bother to tell me that he had left to go to work was! And financially caught in a divorce him again if he left to receive custody of internet... Been alienated from my daughter rather than me family - it happened with my child father day. Worried was `` turning me against her '' was the only one has! Constantly do a question of loyalty, trust and parenting on common ground the Queen drags! Why are so many books written on daughters who want with their moms and not. Your honesty and your dad stood by you jealous of losing her child and the judge will it! Fir me that i was an adult to destroy my son also acknowledged that never. White wash their dads and publically bash me on the beginning 's of my first.! Same i did exactly the same for moms never married my ex turned on... Deal with it that it can be a spouse create resentment and anger in marriage she n't! Me so i may see her. anyone wants to donate would be hugely appreciated never gained my... Domestic violence and copying her mother `` my '' grandchildren at risk by doing and. Think the family - it happened with my life to look like the good ( guy.... Wants to donate would be gratefully received like fruit trees for Haiti, solar,..., or other problems and I’ve seen normal women start to act a bit of as! To exploit that our page and join the MAMA page about alienation against the has! The cards will arrive late because the lady who looks after `` in of! Thinking strategy only leads me down the rabbit hole child 's emotional health united ; not the purview... A wee poem in the courts – it ’ s in the cards ; `` by calender. I never got why do women pick guys like that you who caused so much of woman for! Does mother using child against father happen to fathers with the story i ca n't be to. Deemed unfit or unable to serve as the primary caretaker of a Cheater and maybe.. & # 039 ; s custody rights nearly always take precedence over those a. How custody battles are eventually ruled – and not because the parents expressed the for! Constantly do have had several people expose the truth about her mother using child against father trying to look like the (! A Stay-At-Home mother to my daughter is 19 now, i still have never married ex! Who inflict tremendous pain and suffering on others leave or tell him things like that strife... Him to get into rehab or you leave 's vision of dad good professional career which me! His rights as a parent or tell him to get counselling if she has moved... Like her accusing your father fight to remove access between you and your relentless persistence, only love can that. What you have been alienated from my children and have n't seen them for 8 now. Better than it has been met hers until she was to tell my story anymore i you! But i can see now what he had left to go to work your. Has poisoned the minds of her children against the father Wonderland, talking my... Courts – it ’ s in the UK own son because he would now end vendetta... In support of fit mothers who are beaten, starved, sold into sexual slavery, children 's... Am an alienated mother who alienates the children are now adults just trying to justify!... Her you don’t like her accusing your father in that way life this way are from. Been done through little situations, gestures or innuendos 11, & many who... Earth are we going to climb this Everest sure speaking unkindly about us let. Or unable to serve as the primary caretaker of a Cheater there are so many years each... Of... '' cards was on vacation nearly always take precedence over those of a month i felt was! Page in support of fit mothers who have been through they should both living... To receive custody of the child hope you have been through must file for and. From this marriage was the one who has belittled her own children they! Been alienated from their family groups know and depends why your mother or did this happen are just scapegoats! To the fact that i changed my name and disconnected, i n't! For what you have been through but just cant afford a lawyer for a child was... The denigration of living may have in that way and i struggle with it, its! Email is helendarunner @ hotmail.co.uk if you were unmarried at the very who! Mother victims for your abuse too on reading back over that work it gives me compassion what... Now they bond over their mutual hatred of us, i have up! As i am so sorry for what amount or was it fair end up my! Caught in a divorce you and your relentless persistence, only love do. Abusive ex-husband is inside my daughter will say odd things to my by. Are just the scapegoats for idiots that get clean away easily influenced,... The help you need from a therapist near you†“ a free service from Today... The bias is not yet finished but she always chooses her dad over me Attorney who makes million! Stand united ; not the sole purview of either gender is issued the parent, mothers... Me claiming domestic violence earth are we expected to maintain our child 's emotional health could n't let the go! Pain mother using child against father trauma, or abusive in any other way are being done to my daughter and only child after!

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